The most important thing I taught my children

By Erika Rizkallah

With the exception of teaching my kids about God’s love for them, the single most important thing I’ve taught them is to trust their gut. In a language they could understand I called this their “Spidey Senses” and explained that God gave us all Spidey Senses to help us know when to run from danger. When they felt those senses tingle, they should run for help, no matter what. And mommy and daddy would never be mad or embarrassed if they did.

                                 Teach your kids to trust their “Spidey Senses.”

I can’t tell you how many times my children came to me saying, “Mommy, my Spidey Sense started tingling, so I ran away!” They exited numerous encounters (probably freaking out some well-meaning adults along the way) but I always praised them for it.

As my daughters got older they became highly sensitive to feelings and energy they picked up from people. More than once they used it to escape dangerous situations.

I’m reminded of this because last week I had to pick up a young friend – a daughter of my heart – after she’d been date raped. For now, I’ll call her “Jessica” and like many sad and strange tales, there’s more to the story I can’t talk about. But what I can say is that Jessica, who just turned 21, didn’t trust her gut and got hurt as a result.

                                        Sex trafficking is a global problem

She connected with a man on Tinder, a popular relationship and dating site. One look at the front page and it’s easy to see how people can be lured in by the beautiful people and positive testimonies. Let me say that I’m not blaming Tinder in any way. Jessica takes responsibility for her actions and has had both good and bad experiences meeting people on this site.

However, in this case she was preyed upon. Only now can she look back and see the things that were a little (and a lot) “off” about this guy. But he was a smooth talker, a player – and she ignored her intuition. She went out for a couple of drinks with him and woke up naked in his bed the next day with no memory of what happened the night before. She was drugged.

                               14,500-17,500 people are trafficked in the U.S. annually

The detective and hospital nurse believe he may be part of a larger organization – like a sex trafficking ring – and his plan was to lure and trap her into prostitution.

The one thing Jessica did right was go to the hospital, but the incident sparked an argument with her naturally upset family. So now she’s here with mine.

Why did I post about this topic today? Because as parents and homeschoolers, we’re responsible for giving our children all the skills and tools they need to navigate this perverted and evil world. If you haven’t yet talked to your children about intuition, please do. You might spare them from danger and trauma on the road ahead of them.

Now you: When has trusting intuition worked for you?

 

Joy Story: Homeschooling changes lives forever!

Thank you all for your patience and prayers as we went through the process of dual enrollment in our local community college.

I’m thrilled to report that my daughter, Katya, was accepted into the program. After a long four hour testing period, she exhibited mastery of all subjects. It means big changes in our homeschooling routine for next year and I feel the pressure lifted from my shoulders.

And by that I mean literal pressure – and pinching. I hold all my stress in my shoulders and suffer from pinched nerves that prevent me from turning my head sometimes.

Homeschooling teenagers is not all fun and games. Surprised? They can be as stubborn and set in their ways as adults – training for old age I guess. Anyway, I went for a celebratory massage the next day!

At the same time, I regret to say that my nephew, Justin, wasn’t accepted into the program. This is difficult for all of us, but he exhibited courage and grace well beyond his seventeen years. Now, he and his mom are trying to determine the right path for him to follow for next year.

Despite this setback, I also got some good news today after his mom called the college’s program director. He told her Justin was only four points away from mastering the English requirement. Four points! We could hardly believe it because all his life Justin was labeled learning disabled in reading skills.

In fact, when he came to me from public school a year and a half ago in 9th grade, he only read at the 5th grade level. This last national testing revealed that he was up to a 10th grade level. The Accuplacer test shows that he has the potential to work at the college level.

This is not to toot my own horn, but goes to show what daily one-on-one help and encouragement can do for a kid beaten down by a system that wrote him off as “unable.”

It’s great that Katya got in, but for me and even bigger payoff is knowing Justin’s life is changed forever. He’s not the speechless, broken kid he once was, but has a new confidence for the road ahead.

All glory goes to God for that. Can I get an Amen?

Now you: What’s been your biggest homeschooling joy story this year?

Testing Testing 1-2-3!

I was never good at tests . . . especially math.

I’ll never forget one year in fourth grade – this would be around 1977 – we took a special test. Our math teacher walked between our desks, placing a sharpened pencil and test packet – face down – on each one. When we turned it over, I noticed something different. At the bottom was a strange configuration of black lines: skinny, medium and wider ones.

I dreaded any kind of math test (still do). I couldn’t understand math well and tests made me anxious. So during that class, while the other kids answered the questions, I counted the lines over and over, convinced they were some sort of magic code I could crack in order to get the answers.

Later we learned the name of this new thing: it was called a barcode.  Our teacher told us the paper would be put into a machine and graded somehow, but I didn’t believe her.

Testing these days is surrounded by controversy, especially when it comes to Common Core. I read a newspaper article the other day that said our School Superintendent was disappointed with the state about the level of required testing. For example, in one high school, students will be subjected to 188 tests designed mainly to assess the teachers, not the kids.

Thankfully homeschool testing is nothing like that. My kids took their national  standardized tests two weeks ago (many schools use only state tests). We hired a private testing company to come to our home and administer the Woodcock Johnson III test. Our administrator is a woman we’ve used for three years; she’s child friendly, compassionate and super smart. She encourages me and the kids to keep going and finish well.

Best of all, no one gets stressed out (ok, except me the first year).

Testing is really for parents; it lets us know how our child is doing and in what areas they could use improvement.

The first year of testing was tough on all of us. I didn’t know what to expect so I worried and got myself and the kids all twisted up about it. Until something happened that I’ll never forget. I took a prayer walk and poured out my heart to God. He said, “Your kids don’t get their intelligence from you, they get it from me.”

I got schooled!

Your Turn: How do you and your kids handle testing?

Our Valentine Tradition

When I was a teenager – probably around fifteen years old – my dad surprised me one Valentine’s Day with a box of chocolates.

I will never forget it. He shyly handed me a heart shaped box covered with yellow ribbons and roses. It was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. A variety of small chocolates filled the inside. At the time, they seemed exotic; I’d never received a gift like this before.

Photo courtesy: Hans Lindqvist, http://bit.ly/17hA1fR

Most importantly, it was from my dad. Even though I thanked him profusely, I never could express how much it meant to me.

I took my time eating the chocolates, only allowing myself one a day until they were gone. But I kept the box well into my twenties. Dad died when I was twenty-one and though I reluctantly let go of the faded box years later, the sentiment stayed with me.

It still does and I carried on the tradition of the heart shaped box with my own children.

Last year I shopped a little late and the only boxes left had nasty chocolates inside. I whined to my husband about it and he said, “Don’t worry, they don’t care about that stuff anyway (ouch!). We’ll just give them a card with twenty bucks and call it a day.”

So we did and I was feeling okay about it until my daughter said, “Hey! Where’s my heart?” I threw my husband under the bus. “Daddy said you were too old for that.”

They were disappointed but my heart was filled with joy.

As soon as I saw the hearts on the shelves this year, I snatched some up and stuck them in the trunk of my car. My kids are reminding me daily not to forget again, and they won’t have to worry. I’ll be giving them chocolate hearts even when they’re married with families of their own.

Your turn: Do you celebrate this holiday? In what way do you make it special in your home?

And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous – to make ready a people prepared for the Lord. Luke 1:17

The challenge of teaching boys

Homeschooling my middle school and high school age children is the most challenging job I’ve ever had.

Yesterday for instance, was a disaster. Being goofy, disregarding instructions, and inattention creates a frustrated teacher. Ok, maybe that’s not quite a disaster but it was certainly “one of those days.” Ever had one?

In my work life I’ve been a nanny, store manager, executive assistant, controller of a large company and a children’s minister. But teaching my own children and one nephew is harder than any of those jobs.

Last night – at the end of a stress filled day – my son runs into my bedroom wild-eyed. He’s coughing, choking and spewing green foam from his mouth. He grabs my water bottle as I rush over, ready to Heimlich him. Once I see he can breathe, I push him toward the bathroom screaming, “What did you do? What the H#%! is that? After he vomits green gunk (and everything else) into my trashcan, he wipes his mouth, looks at me like I’m crazy and says…

“What?”

It turns out, he took “the Gamma challenge” which is the gamer version of “the cinnamon challenge.” I was so angry I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Oh, by the way, my son is a gamer and Gamma is a powdered energy drink. It’s kind of like Tang, but with added junk vitamins. I tossed the Gamma and shut my bedroom door for the rest of the night.

Boys are different and I haven’t yet mastered the art of teaching them. Most of the time I can’t imagine why they do some of the things they do. For example…

Why? Why would you tie your drawstring to the front door?

He thought this would be an appropriate cold-weather Halloween costume. I didn’t.

“I’m going as a man.”

I just need to take one picture of you in front of the tree son.

Now, my girls are better. For the most part they’re easier, except one likes to do her work and get on with life, and the other is not in any hurry.

Yes, each gender has challenges and goes through difficult seasons, but you know what?

I wouldn’t change a thing. They each teach me about a different side of life and I always remember . . . Tomorrow is another day. And I’ll keep headache medicine and a stress relieving ball nearby at all times.

♦♦♦♦♦

The Institute for Excellence in Writing (IEW) offers an excellent e-book entitled, Teaching Boys, by Andrew Pudewa and Woody Robertson. I’ve ordered products from IEW and highly recommend their site for great info and writing curriculum (I don’t get paid in any way to endorse them). I got my copy of Teaching Boys last year, but I found a link to the free e-book on homeschoolgiveaways.com.

Your turn: Do you have any boy related teaching tips to share?

Life Skills: Helping your kids learn responsibility

This post is inspired by a blog post I read on A Homeschool Mom. She wrote about raising motivated learners and suggests that when we allow children to participate in the chores and duties of our home, we’re teaching them important life skills.

I wholeheartedly agree!

She then asked readers to comment about tasks we’d turned over to our children and that got me thinking . . .

One year when my eldest daughter, Dania, turned ten, I decided one of the gifts I wanted to give her was responsibility. I wrapped “the gift” in an actual box – the words “Congratulations on turning ten! Now you get to take on the responsibility of doing the dishes.”

                    She thought I was joking.

Mind you, I didn’t just hand the task over to her to do as she pleased. I spent time training her on how to properly load and unload the dishwasher. I made it easier by making sure she could sort silverware into multi-compartment storage trays.

 

Then I taught her where to put all the dishes and pots and pans. And when she got it wrong or chose to be sloppy or lazy, I trudged to wherever she was and made her redo it. Eventually she understood that if she didn’t do it right the first time, she’d just have to do it again.

I’m not going to lie, it’s a painful process at first. I can unload the dishwasher in less than three minutes (I know because I try to race myself). But having to train other people can take five times as long (at least). I found that the hardest part for me is being patient while my child is learning a new task.

The funniest thing is that when I gave Dania this gift, her younger sister, Katya, got jealous and decided that she too would have the same responsibility. To that I said, “The more the merrier!”

Here’s a tip: Give your child the job you hate doing the most – it motivates you to hand off jobs every year!

My girls are now 17 and 18-years-old. Dania started working in a restaurant a couple of years ago and outshone the other kitchen workers. In fact, since she’s been there, the sanitation score has gone up and she’s been promoted – twice. I take satisfaction knowing that her early training helped her get and keep a job when others were laid off for the winter.

Your turn to share: What’s your least favorite household chore?